Too Much Too Little #

expectations.
expectations.
it’s like a loop, a voice that won’t shut up,
telling me i’m always wrong.
too much. too little.
every time, something’s missing,
some flaw to point out.
i try to fix it,
but it’s never good enough—
perfect isn’t even in reach anymore.
i stopped believing it could be.
i wonder, do i even have worth?
abilities? or am i just fooling myself?
their words make me doubt,
like i’m pushing for something i can’t even grasp.
and yet i keep pushing—
like some idiot
that never learns.
i feel split, like standing between two mirrors.
but instead of infinite reflections,
i see two strangers.
one’s eager, desperate to fit in,
to please, to be seen.
the other? he’s tired.
he blends into the background,
hoping no one will notice his mistakes.
i don’t know which one is me.
maybe neither.
maybe both.
when i’m alone, nothing feels like the right way to be.
it’s all just noise, and i’m lost in it.
there’s this constant sense
that i’m not enough—
for anyone.
i keep failing.
i keep letting people down.
and lately?
i don’t have the energy anymore.
nothing excites me.
nothing feels… like it matters.
i’m bored, but not the kind of bored you can fix.
just… empty.
my mind never stops.
always running through conversations,
things i said,
things i didn’t say.
i pick them apart,
over and over,
like some broken record.
and the truth?
i don’t even want to talk to anyone.
there’s this fear,
this gnawing fear
that if they look too closely,
they’ll see what i see—
that i’m lacking.
that i’m not enough.
it’s annoying,
this fear, this anger,
this irritation that won’t go away.
decisions are hard now.
too many options,
and none that feel right.
it’s like i’m stuck,
even when there’s nowhere to go.
i don’t care about most criticism.
but from the people i love?
that cuts.
it’s like the only thing i can’t handle.
and over time…
i don’t even know how i feel anymore.
i feel… nothing, i guess.
just numb.
like these pieces of me are slowly fading, eroding.
i don’t remember who i was.
what i am.
why i am.
i don’t know.
i don’t know.
i don’t know.