fuck me #

i can’t stand myself—
it’s like i’m watching something break down,
a sinking ship that’s already underwater.
why would anyone stay for that?

but you’re still here,
fighting my battles,
battles i don’t even bother hiding anymore.
and i know you’d be better off leaving,
but you won’t.
your love’s still there, shining,
even when i wish it wasn’t.

i’m not the hero you thought i was.
just a mess, tangled up in my own mistakes.
the weight of everything i’ve done wrong—it’s suffocating.

why don’t you hate me?
why do you stay close?
i’ve hurt you,
broken promises,
caused pain.
so why are you still here,
holding on when i can’t even hold myself together?

but you tell me you’ll never leave,
that love’s enough to carry us both.
even when i hate myself,
you’re hoping for something better.

so i keep going,
with you next to me,
moving forward even as my past tries to pull me back.
you see the worst of me,
but you still love me.
and somehow, in your eyes,
i see who i could be.

i’m not the hero,
but with you,
maybe i can become something more.
so if you’re gonna keep loving me,
then hold on,
because i’m still trying to love myself.

i don’t know why you don’t hate me,
but maybe that’s the point—
your love is what’s keeping me here,
pulling me out of the darkness,
giving me a reason to keep fighting.