today #

in the haze of weary thoughts,
i sit, unable to speak,
the words stuck somewhere deep inside.
school started again today,
dragging me back under,
a flood of feelings i can’t even begin to name.

exams, they’re over now—
but it still feels like hell,
like something heavy’s stuck to me,
weighing me down just the same.

i saw my friends,
but she wasn’t there.
said she had something else to do,
but it left the day feeling emptier.
gray.

people, everywhere,
their opinions like knives,
teenagers with fragile egos,
yet their stares feel like they’re judging everything i am.

then the grades came in—
a twist in my stomach.
the thought flashes,
a knife to make it stop—
but it doesn’t feel right to blame anyone.
there’s no one really at fault.

students, teachers, the staff…
just moving through the day,
without a spark, without anything real.
maybe my anger isn’t aimed right,
maybe it’s all boiling inside me,
and i don’t know where to put it.

i haven’t eaten,
couldn’t bring myself to.
the hunger’s there, but it’s buried under something else.
skipped dinner,
just sat in the quiet,
and finished a song for pritish—
something to distract me.

but there it is,
this wave of tears i wasn’t ready for,
it pulls me in without a reason.
am i just being foolish?
i don’t even know anymore.
i close my eyes,
hoping sleep will take me,
hoping for some kind of peace.